Overexposed and Under Appreciated

24 Apr

I haven’t updated my blog in months. MONTHS! What’s worse is that I didn’t even consider updating it, not once in the past few months did I think to myself, “hmm…I’ve got some things to say I need to put together a post!” Wanna know why? I’ll tell you why. Between Facebook, Twitter and Path (its new, check it out) I have said everything I want to say. Most of the time in 160 characters or less. Social media is bogging me down. I’m drowning in it. I fantasize about completely abandoning my Facebook page or God forbid making it through date night without checking Twitter. I have a sickness. I need help. I abuse this shit.

That being said…I made a pretty substantial decision this week. I not only deactivated my Path account but I also…for the first time since 2009 no longer have a Twitter account. Seriously, I don’t. Go look for @hayleyannohara….she doesn’t exist!

It’s been a rough adjustment but strangely…pleasant. I went shopping with my mom tonight and found it was a completely different experience in my new twitterless world. We talked, I mean really talked…and I…dare I say, listened? It shames me that a twitpic of Kim Kardashian’s duck face used to take my attention from my own mother.

It also dawned on me that I was constantly plugged into my friends lives and they were constantly plugged into mine. When I was with them I was racing to check-in first…when someone said something especially hilarious I was rushing to capture it on one or more social networks so other people could see how much fun we were having and how funny we are. Instead…I should be enjoying how much fun we are having and how funny we are. Same goes for my dates and time spent with Andrew, why should I be telling the world where we are, what we ordered, that funny thing he said at dinner, the weird waitress we had, how much I love him……!

My goal is less exposure. I want to be able to tell my stories to my friends at dinner, in person. I want to tell Andrew how I feel about him…because the truth is…the Twitter world really doesn’t care that I adore the shit out of the kid. But he cares. And I bet he would believe it more if I was telling him that, with eye contact, and my phone…nowhere in site.

I’m taking the less is more approach and hoping I find a few more slivers of time to read a book or update my blog!

Wish me luck..and HAPPY TUESDAY!!

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Old Guys and Finish Lines

20 Feb

George ClooneyI felt like it was time to admit that I’m not attracted to George Clooney. I’m not attracted to anyone who has more wrinkles on his forehead than my bed sheets do in the morning. I may be part of the minority…I’m finding that a lot of women my age are attracted to older men, and by older men I mean older men. I know this because of Pinterest…click on the “People” pins and you will find photo after photo of old, famous men with lustful comments on each one. I suppose I did have a brief infatuation with Hugh Laurie…but that was more in a “talk witty to me” kind of way.

Ok, cool, just had to get off my chest. Now…on to what I really wanted to discuss…road rage! I have it. I have a lot of it. I have enough of it that I could share with everyone in my office building and still be capable of being a crazy bitch behind the wheel. Andrew has repeatedly told me that I am a maniac behind the wheel and that it “scares” him. I was ready to disregard his comment…since he drives similar to that of a 60-year-old man delivering an ice sculpture..but after consulting a group of my closest friends they all cringed a bit and agreed. Which left me to dissect my driving habits. My aggressiveness must stem from the fact that Monte O’Hara taught me how to drive, he drives his Escalade like he’s in a video game. But it really comes down to the fact that I have places to be, I mean..don’t all of you? Some of the people I see on the road legitimately look like they have all of the time in the world to arrive at their destination. Well, I don’t. Life on the road would be immensely more simple if everyone would follow the rules! There are only a few important ones to remember:

1. 5 mph over the posted speed limit is the actual speed limit.

2. Don’t drive in the fast lane unless you intend to go at least 10 mph.

3. Expect to be followed entirely too close if you don’t adhere to rules #2.

If those rules were followed by everyone on the road…I think my ‘rage’ would be mostly under control.

Whenever I see one of those stickers, this is exactly what I think lol.

Happy Monday!

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Oh, How Pinteresting!

12 Feb

If you are my friend on Facebook…I sincerely apologize about the fact that your “ticker” has alerted you to my obsession with Pinterest. It has taken over my life. I have found myself sitting in front of my laptop for hours creating an entire life in which my house is larger, my clothes are better, my wedding is extravagant and my workout routine is more strenuous. There is a very real problem with my “Pinterest world”…it doesn’t seem to transfer very well into my “real world”. The recipes rarely turn out well, the hairstyles don’t actually look like the Pin promises they will, the dress I pinned doesn’t come in a size that will fit my boobs…etc. I find that I experience a “pinterest fail” far more often than I do a “pinterest success”. The good news is…from my failures will come very entertaining blog posts. A new category has been added to Hayley’s Comment….appropriately called, “Pinterest fail.”

I would like to introduce you to my “cake pop fail”. According to A Beautiful Mess Blog…this is how the process of making Cake Pops should look.

Cake pops step 1

Cake pops step 2

Cake pops step 3

Looks simple, right? It’s not.

My best friend Lo and I decided to give Cake Pops our best shot.

Things started off rough when I realized my aversion to unbaked Red Velvet batter…

I tried to ignore the fact that it looked like Lo was whipping up a bowl of BLOOD but it wasn’t easy.

The chocolate fudge batch seemed easier on the eyes and before we knew it we were ready to bake that cake!

The cake was baked, the frosting mixed in and I was confronted with handling the little balls of what looked like bloody goo. After a difficult battle with my gag reflex we were left with several cake “balls”. Between the red velvet and chocolate fudge we had approximately 50 potential cake pops. Pay attention to that number..it will be important later…

I was certain we were moving on to the fun and rewarding part of this project…dipping and decorating. We set up the decorations in adorable little wine glasses:

And I was fairly certain we were going to end up with cake pops that looked something like this:

Instead….we got this:

And this:

And a little bit of this:

Yes, those are little red turds coming out of our cake pops.

The most successful moment of the entire experience was when we realized this cake pop could resemble a little man of sorts:

And finally out of the potential to create FIFTY cake pops we ended up with approximately 16 we didn’t want to throw away:

I would say better luck next time…but there won’t be a next time. I’m leaving Cake Pops to the professionals!

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Dressed To Kill

24 Jan

Lately…I have been noticing 2 definitive “style trends” that I do not approve of. If I am being honest, which I always am, I have to say I less than approve of them. I’m going to keep this short and simple…

Don’t do your eye makeup like this:

Seriously, don’t. I know what you’re thinking…”It’s a Saturday night and I really want to make my blue eyes POP!” They don’t pop..they disappear underneath the cloke you voluntarily painted around your eyes. This…is NOT smoky. This is obnoxious and an incredible waste of eye liner, shadow and your time.

Don’t buy nor wear shirts that look like this:

or this:

If you want sleeves…wear them, if you don’t…don’t. There is no happy medium here. How did this even happen? I’ll tell you how it happened..somewhere some designer screwed up a shirt he was working on…cut a giant hole in the sleeve, he got so angry at the ruined garment that he cut a hole in the other sleeve out of frustration. He then called it a night and left the shirt hanging sadly over a chair in his studio. The next day, before he could stop them his team had sent the shirt off with the rest of his fall collection. And thus, by accident, this monstrosity was born. Don’t buy into it people..

That’s all I have to say.

Oh and check out my new blog: Young, Lovely & A Little Bit Mean you’ll love it, I promise.

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A Time and A Place

28 Nov

I have had enough, I have had more than enough, I am drowning enoughness. I made the difficult decision to boycott ALL radio stations. Why? Because they never play the appropriate song. Who in the hell wants to hear LMFAO on their way to work on a Monday morning or “Tonight I’m F&*%ing You” while you are driving your mom to the doctor? No one, that’s who. It’s not just the radio: its Pandora, DJ’s, cover bands…they all make the same mistake:

The top 10 songs to play at inappropriate moments:

01. Cheers (Drink to That) -Rihanna: I heard this once on my way to the bank at 10:00am on a Tuesday. It made me want to drive into oncoming traffic. I thought about calling the station, I am sure it was 94.1-they have no class, and telling them to to shove that drink where the sun don’t shine. There are only 48 hours every week when that song is appropriate….Friday and Saturday, how is that so hard to understand?

02. California Gurls -Katy Perry: First of all, any Katy Perry song that is not E.T. (Kanye West version) needs to just get out of my life. But California Gurls especially irks me. I was skidding down dodge street in the middle of February last year when this song came blaring through my speakers. I find the song offensive in the first place, what just because I’m not a “california gUrl” I’m completely forgettable? Rude. And what exactly is the difference between a girl and gurl? Can someone tell me? But to play it in the middle of a sunless week is really just cruel.

03. In The Dark -Dev: This song was soaked in inappropriateness for a year before it was released. The only place this song should be played is at The Max in the front room, where all the lazer lights and shit are. And the bass and treb need to be turned up so loud that no one can hear the incredibly awkward and uncomfortable lyrics, i.e. “open me up and do some surgery?” is this an episode of Dexter? Because it sounds like one.

04. Friends In Low Places -Garth Brooks: WHY is this song always played at wedding receptions? This is song is about RUINING someone’s wedding reception yet its a constant! The entire wedding party as well as all of the guests are galloping around the dance floor celebrating some fictional bride’s ruined evening. Messed up.

Annnnd apparently Garth Brooks is too cool to let any of his videos be on youtube, and I refuse to post some guy with a guitar sitting in his shower.

05. The Lazy Song -Bruno Mars: This started blaring one day on Pandora, my station was Adele…which its arguable that Bruno Mars even belongs on that station…anyway, I was at work…with two customers on hold and Monte barking orders on my cell phone. Needless to say, the last thing I wanted to hear is Bruno Mars singing about spending the day on the couch. Asshole.

06. Long December -Counting Crows: While I absolutely adore this song, I mean ADORE. Top 5 favorite songs for sure…it just feels wrong to hear this during any point of the year that’s not…December. Not because its called a Long December, but because its meaning is about one year ending while another begins, its just difficult to embrace on a balmy day in June. The good news is that Counting Crows have plenty of other amazing songs you can listen to any other time of the year :-)

07. Don’t Stop Believing -Journey: This song makes me cringe. Unfortunately, this song maintains a high popularity as a ”jukebox hit”. Which means I can’t go out on a Friday night without hearing it at least once. I know most of you are judging my hatred for a Journey song, but let me explain…my freshman year of college I encountered a rather hairy young man from Chicago that lived in the same dorms as me. He was one of those guys who was always around, always showing up at all of the parties and bars I was at. After finding out that I was from Council Bluffs, IA he immediately assumed it must be a very small farm town in Iowa (he once asked me if we had a McDonalds)…and since he was from Chicago…well you can see how he might have come up with this song being about “us”. Unfortunately for him there was not nor was there ever going to be an “us” and so he moved on but the weeks he spent randomly showing up at my dorm room were enough to make this song forever “cringe-worthy”. I will have to remember to add this to my “do not play” list at my wedding. Ick.

08. I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman -Britney Spears: This song is a failure. It is really only likeable at the age of 16…and sorry but you are still a girl and will be a girl for awhile. So that kind of makes that oh so difficult transition between girl and woman that Britney warbles about…pointless. Anyone who is about to be a woman probably shouldn’t enjoy listening to this song….at least not in public.

09. Don’t Wanna Go Home -Jason Derulo: Unless you are at a club incredibly intoxicated and dancing like an idiot this song is just awkward. First of all, Jason, no one knows who you are. So announcing your name at the beginning of the song is an unnecessary use of your vocal chords….and on that note is it you “thing” to announce your name at the beginning of every song? You did it in Watcha Say as well, I remember. Is this a new marketing trick? I think its annoying. Second, are you referencing the “Day-O Banana Boat” song? You do know that song is originally about hard working gentleman who loaded bananas all night and were anxious to go home after the end of their very long shift (at daylight) I am sure they would not be impressed by your use of the refrain of the song in your ode to partying all night.

10. Better With the Lights Off -New Boyz ft. Chris Brown: Does it really need an explanation? This song is awkward unless you are enjoying it in the car by yourself..because lets be honest, its catchy. And its true…everybody looks better with the lights off. Duh. But when you are with friends, significant others or family you have to act outraged by the very idea that someone would even put that in a song. Plus, its uncool to like any song Chris Brown is part of now…he’s been slapped with the dousche-tag for life. Bummer.

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Family Matters and the Ring Factor

2 Nov

A couple of days ago I started deleting all of my family members from Facebook….I can hear the uproar now…but hear me out!

It dawned on me sometime on Sunday while I was lounging on the couch  that I would be in Vegas in less than a week and I really couldn’t be held responsible for whatever pictures, status updates, etc. that I was bound to post at 3am while drunk eating. Currently every time I post what could be considered a controversial update I limit the audience, realizing that my pre-teen cousin McKenna and my grandma really do not need to read those details. Wellll I am tired of it! Facebook is for friends, Christmas and Thanksgiving are for family. So…to any family members who may have realized that they are no longer privy to my bombardment of updates…don’t take it personally, everyone got the ax! Additionally…I got rid of anyone I worked with…because a girl should be able to vent about her place of work without anyone taking offense. Plus, I see these people every day…who cares what we are up to on the weekends??

Moving on to more interesting things…this ring on my finger. Who knew that a ring could change your life so much…I am not referring to the meaning behind the ring..obviously that is a life changer! I am talking about the ring itself. Its changed my life. First of all…it gets caught on EVERYTHING. Seriously, everything. Grocery bags, necklaces, HAIR, towels, bras, etc. I have woken up with scratches and strange marks in quite a few places from trying to sleep in the thing. It also alerts me of days when I am especially bloated…on those days the ring is noticeably too tight and on those days my workouts are just a bit longer. Hand maintenance has suddenly become more important…mostly because people, even complete strangers at the customer service counter at Von Maur, will randomly grab your hand and say, “oooh what a pretty ring!” I want to avoid showing off any broken nails are dry and cracked knuckles during that process.

The last person to visit my blog found me using the following search term:

“short woman without pants”

Interesting….

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Who Am I?

25 Oct 299974_10100444563892339_14817731_53363870_832371608_n

Don’t worry…this isn’t going to be one of those posts in which I try to find the meaning in my life…I know what that is, its to make bomb ass Mac n Cheese and worry about everyone and every thing in my life.

The post title…”Who Am I?”…refers to the lovey dovey, swooning, glowing basket of hugs I have become since my former “boyfriend” now known as my “fiancé” proposed. Does everyone remember this post…One Half Of We? What happened to that girl?? It doesn’t really matter…in the past 6 months Andrew’s importance in my life has become increasingly clear and my future with him as only become more solid. Suddenly, I am one of those girls dreaming of a sunset wedding and promising him the rest of my life. I have to admit it…I kind of like this new Hayley, the one that is so ready to proclaim to the world how much I love the man in my life :-)

For those of you wondering…Andrew proposed in Iowa City at the Schnitker tailgate. Iowa City and tailgating are both close to our hearts because that is where and how we met. He proposed a toast and ended it on one knee asking me to marry him :-) Cue the glowing ecstatically happy girl I mentioned before and a “yes” that was covered in tears and we were ENGAGED! He couldn’t have done it without the help of some wonderful friends :-) It was amazing and I couldn’t be more pleased!!

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